In chapter 9, Julia Wood is broaching the management of conflicts. At some point, she discussed of the various types of responses to a conflict: the exit response, the neglect response, the loyalty response and the voice response. It was really interesting reading this part of the chapter, because I can identify people in my entourage who relate to the different kinds of response. This was particularly true with the Exit Response: ‘’The exit response involves physically walking out or psychologically withdrawing’’ (chapter 9, p.234). As Julia Wood explains, exit conflict is engaging negative effects since the problem isn’t address. People aren’t always doing it with bad intentions, for them, it often refers as a way of avoiding conflict as they don’t believe in engaging in it.
This is the case of Kate, one of my good friends, who can’t stand getting into an argument. Since she doesn’t feel comfortable into that kind of situation, she prefers not saying a word and she just sneaks out. When something’s wrong between us, I know we won’t be able to discuss about it and express our feelings to figure out how to manage the disagreement. For me, this ends up being very frustrating. As we learnt earlier in chapter 9, conflict is natural and can even be good for the individuals. I feel like we can never get completely over the difference, as we don’t talk about it: it makes it almost unfeasible to understand each other’s point of view. The ‘’ real problem ‘’ is kept under silence and tensions between us are rising. This is really draining energy from me and our relationship always turns out being weakened every time.
Now I understand that it’s not because she doesn’t care about it, it just because she doesn’t see the point in arguing. I think I’ll try to let her know that exit isn’t a good solution. I found an interesting quote of Maggie Kuhn, which clearly illustrate the message I’d like to tell my friend Kate: ‘’Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes’’. I think this sentence expresses the importance of talking, saying your opinion and emotions. This might be hard, but nothing’s worst than saying nothing. It’s important to give a voice to your thoughts and feelings. (Like it is represented in the image at the top of the text)
This is the case of Kate, one of my good friends, who can’t stand getting into an argument. Since she doesn’t feel comfortable into that kind of situation, she prefers not saying a word and she just sneaks out. When something’s wrong between us, I know we won’t be able to discuss about it and express our feelings to figure out how to manage the disagreement. For me, this ends up being very frustrating. As we learnt earlier in chapter 9, conflict is natural and can even be good for the individuals. I feel like we can never get completely over the difference, as we don’t talk about it: it makes it almost unfeasible to understand each other’s point of view. The ‘’ real problem ‘’ is kept under silence and tensions between us are rising. This is really draining energy from me and our relationship always turns out being weakened every time.
Now I understand that it’s not because she doesn’t care about it, it just because she doesn’t see the point in arguing. I think I’ll try to let her know that exit isn’t a good solution. I found an interesting quote of Maggie Kuhn, which clearly illustrate the message I’d like to tell my friend Kate: ‘’Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes’’. I think this sentence expresses the importance of talking, saying your opinion and emotions. This might be hard, but nothing’s worst than saying nothing. It’s important to give a voice to your thoughts and feelings. (Like it is represented in the image at the top of the text)
I totally understand your point Caroline. I know how it can be frustrating when someone neglect to express his feelings because then, it's really hard to figure out how to manage the disagreement! I sometimes feel like the person doesn't trust me enough by refusing to talk and to self-disclose. To add a point about the Exit response, I read that people who see conflicts as win-lose situations (see Orientations to conflict on p. 231 in the book)
RépondreSupprimermay exit physically or psychologically if they think they are losing an argument. Some people are very proud and refuse to admit that they are wrong. However, I don't think it's the problem of your friend! I feel like she just need to realize how bad it is not to express what we truly think.
Conflict are also part of our life since youth. I found a video of two little kids arguing. It's very cute and funny, and at the same time it made me realize that expressing your feelings is really important and a big part of our lives. Sometimes it turns into a win-win situation, win-lose situation, or in a lose-lose situation, like in this video:
RépondreSupprimerhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BMT6BfxR7w
Haha! Very funny video! The kids are so cute! It's a great example that shows that child also have conflicts. In this video, they are expressing their disagreements very overtly! :)
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